Sunday, 2 March 2014

Where did my sock go?

So it has been forever since I did this! But once again I am bored and fancied getting the old imagination running. So I googled the worst question ever and was met with this absolute beauty! 'My sock went missing when I put it in the wash/dryer. Where did it go?'

SOCKS LIKE VACATIONS TOO! Jeez, the poor thing's been working day in, day out probably way beyond it's retirement age!! (You know what I mean... that scratchy feeling of wearing thread. Perhaps some slight discolouration depending on the standard of shoe. Maybe even a hole!) And you begrudge the old soul it's only means of escape?!? Socks don't get the opportunity to retire into cruises and questionable 'Meals on Wheels'. The only way out for a tired sock is to try and sneak out under the radar. Risking their delicate lives (much like Nemo) by taking their chances with the pipework of washing machines or the unbearable heat of the dryer! 

Sadly, for the 63% that make it out of the laundering instruments, this is not the end of their journey. They then have to 007 their way past the growing population of house elves. Those cute but creepy tykes are to socks what owls are to mice. They know precisely what they want (the same as Martin Luther King) and they will not stop until they get it!!* 
Luckily, for the 27% which make it past the house elves, there is only one remaining obstacle. Chewing gum. No! Not the stuff still in the packet you ninny! The stuff which people carelessly spit out onto the pavement. It is sticky! And as we all know, socks are notorious for their problems with eyesight deterioration. It is very difficult for a sock to spot chewing gum before they are straight on top of it and sometimes even then they do not realise. This results in two scenarios; 
1) The sock realises and is stuck. 
2) The sock does not realise, continues to travel and unravels. 
I'm sure you'll agree that neither of these are particularly desirable outcomes for the sock.

Following the chewing gum hurdle, a heartbreaking 3% of socks make it back into the wilderness to live out their last scraggly years. 
And there you have it. The whereabouts of ambitious socks last seen in the wash/dryer.

*Interesting side fact; you will often hear a high pitched chanting, 'What do we want? FREEDOM! When do we want it? NOW!' It is recited at such great speed though that your brain hasn't the time to process the words and merely translates this as a dull fan noise. This is actually the singing of fed up house elves on a mission to find escaping socks.