Sunday, 25 March 2012

What if the hokey kokey is what it’s all about?

I finished a draft of my dissertation two days ago … Ahr Yehrr … So I’ve done nothing the last two days … So today, this happened.

If the hokey kokey is what it’s all about then getting places would take a lot longer. We’d have to put our left leg in, our left leg out, in, out, in, out, shake it all about, do the hokey kokey, and turn around… before proceeding to do the exact same with our right leg and then alternate until we reached our destination. This would probably mean leaving at least two hours before you needed to be anywhere.
Also, a great deal more people would suffer from confusion as a result of the constant ‘turning around’. The effects of this prolonged dizziness would probably work in the same way as alcohol, leaving the ‘turner’ with beer goggles. Because everyone would be victim to CBGS (Continuous Beer Goggle Syndrome) pregnancy rates would rise quite significantly, causing the over population problems already prevalent in the world to be of much greater importance. However, another side effect of CBGS would be a decrease in divorce rates, because there would be no sobering realisation of what it is that your beer goggles allowed you to marry and procreate with. 
In addition, the average person would most probably be significantly better at singing through constant repetition of the scales, (8) Woooooooaoh the hokey kokey, Wooooooooaoh the hokey kokey (8) etc. This persistence with the vocal chords would surely have a favourable effect upon the hokey kokey-er. 

But alas; the stable left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot walking pattern of mankind, the rising divorce rates, and the inability of the general public to sing (as proved most weekends by *Simon Cowell’s determination to make more money) is proof that the hokey kokey is probably not what it is all about. 

*I sort of take this back, not the singing thing (as a whole we're shocking) but the dig at Simon Cowell, he seemed really nice on Jonathan Ross.

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